Fears and dissapointments...Just a part of life?

I´m afraid...

I'm afraid of a lot of things. Now I'm taking about my dreams and hopes when it comes to me going to L.A with Sofie next year.

The first thing that I'm afraid of is that Sofie is gonna bail and stay here in Sweden. But really, I wouldn't blame her even thought I'd be really sad and dissapointed. She recently got her first very own apartment and she has a full time job. And that's not something You'd give up just like that! And who am I to demand or expect her to, just to follow me to L.A to fullfill my crazy acting dreams!? But I hope that she still wants to go, cause I know that it'd be soooo great and that we'd have such an amazing time over there!!

The second thing I'm afraid of is that I'll be so dissapointed and let down. Why, because I know that I might not make it and I might not get to where I want to be. Even if my heart thinks so. And the burning and desire is so strong. And what if L.A isn't as great and wonderful as I remember it to be? Maybe being a "citizen" and part of the normal daily L.A life is a lot different from just being there as a tourist. And maybe, just maybe I won't find all the happiness and completition that I now feel is waiting for me over there...

I have had these fears growing in the back of my head from the day I decided that I would definatley go next fall. But the expectations and excitements and positive thoughts has always clustered those fears. But just recently they floated up to the surface and hit me like a hard rock.
Maybe reality has gotten the best of me and made me realize that I really need to think this decision throught. Cause I don't wanne end up the way I did when I went there the first time a few years ago...

And I'm so afraid that that's exactly what might happen if I go there without Sofie and all alone. But still, I'm older and more independet now then 5 years ago. So a part of me think that I can go there alone. But another part, doesn't. Damn! This is so hard...I need to do this. For me! I don't wanna look back and regret that I didn't take the chance when I had it!

Well, maybe it's just the Christmas ghost haunting me...or this time of year. I tend to lure out the dark sides of myself at christmas, and with that the negative and realistic part. Well, the fact that I feel a little alone right now might be a factor...

Anyways...I'm tired and I have a presentation tomorrow morning, so I think I should go to bed now.

See you soon...

Frieda*

Todays picture: My favorite TV show and favorite TV couple...

Booth and Brennan

BONES

(Emily Deschanel / David Boreanaz)