Hello there!

I just got back from seeing a show down in Santa Ana called Violet. It included a teacher of mine, Molly. Not that you guys know who she is, but she's a really cool, kind and talented teacher that I have in my Theatre class. It was a musical and I enjoyed it a lot. Usually I don't like musicals, I'm more the "pure" theatre show kinda girl. But lately I've seen two great musicals so I've really started to appreciate it more. It's an art form, and created by the americans so it's kinda big here. And Cal State do have a very popular musical theatre program so I guess it comes naturally that there's a lot of musicals going on.

Before the show we had coffe at a very cute and cosy little café. I know that my dear friend Hanna Nilsson would love it! Wish you would have come here so we could go there and scoup out guys! :) It felt like you stepped in at a persons house or something. Kinda like the theatre or art cafés in Sweden if u know what I'm talking about.

I don't have that much to talk about today, just felt like writing a few lines. It's Friday tomorrow. Gosh, the weeks go by so fast! I have like 4 weeks left in school! That's sick! I mean I feel like it barely begun. Well I guess time flies when you're having a good time.

Oh well, I'll write more tomorrow or Saturday. I'm going to Newport tomorrow to Linnea, Charlie and Sofia's. It's my usual hangout during the weekends. And also on Sat I'm gonna interview Paul about acting as an assignment for my Entertainment class. Interesting!

Well my friends, good morning to you and good night to me!

XoXo - Frieda K*

Ovulation...

Such a wonderful word, don't you think? Well, it's not actually. Because when this happens, your emotions run like crazy little rats inside your body and you can shift from being fine and ok one minute until becoming extremly sad and low the next. It is so frustrating. I have it right now if you guys didn't pick up on that already. Anyways, when I woke up today I was feeling good, I did my hair put on a nice dress and went to school and my acting class happy. But when I came there something happend. My emotions got the best of me. Somehow all of a sudden in this little room fileld with all these ppl I felt so completley alone and that all of a sudden the world was mad at me, ppl were trying to avoid eye contact with me, they didn't feel like having a conversation with me and I was literally scared of myself. I became paranoid. A part of me also felt when I watched Pauls group perform there scenes today that I suck as an actress, something I deep inside knows isn't true. But it just hit me. That maybe I haven't gotten anywhere because maybe I'm just fooling myself into thinking that I'm good at something that I asctually suck at. I hate when these feelings hit you. Usually they go away after a day or two, but I don't enjoy myself and my life when they're inside me. This probably sounds worse than it is, which itprobably was. Because after class I had coffe with Debbie and Soona and I told them about my thoughts and feelings, and they said what I just said, that I was just probably paranoid and wrapped up in my hormonial rollercoaster.

But why should you feel this way? Is it normal? I talked to Linnea and she said that she can become like this too when she has her ovulation. So I guess it's kinda common. However, I wanna state the fact again, that it's not a pleaset time. The wierdest thing was though that when I got home and started to think about things and ppl, I felt this strong feeling that something big and hopefully happy is soon about to happen. Maybe I'm just being paranoid in the other direction, or maybe it's true. I don't know. Time will have to tell. Wouldn't it be good though if something good and happy were to happen? Usually it's harder for us to believe this then that something negative will happen, maybe because we don't want to be dissapointed. And I can agree on that. Dissapointments are a part of life, but not something we like if we can avoid it.

Anyways, another thing that bothers me. I saw today that the TV show Glee is having open casting calls to cast a new member to their Glee team. I like that show but it's also a show about songs and singing. And even if it's also acting involved you'll have to be able to sing, and even if I don't sonsider myself being totally tonedeaf, I really don't think that I can compete with the other ppl who actually have a great voice and at the same time can act. Yeah, my look might be interesting and different since I have the European/Scandinavian look and that might be funny to add to the Glee team. But I'm not a singer so it feels kinda not "worth" it if you know what I mean. But I am gonna post a video of myself on their website, I mean I have nothing to loose, maybe just my ego when ppl might comment on my "bad" voice. I'm just so mad that the only time a TV show has an open casting call it requires you to be able to not just be good at acting, no you have to be able to sing also! Why not just have an open casting call for like, Bones, Melrose Place or some other show where acting and only acting is involved!? There are already so many "talent" shows with singing and dancing. Yeah we've all heard of them, American Idol, America's got talent, X-Factor, So you think you can dance etc. But where the fuck are the acting casting shows!? Why can't there be a Bones star show or something else. I know that there's been like Next Soap Star and Next Action Star. But those shows don't get the same kind of appreciation as AI or SYTYCD. And it sucks, for me anyway! Well I guess I'll just have to keep me eyes open and see what happens. Just wanted to let this out... now I feel a little better. I've been eating dark chocolate so maybe that helped a bit =)

Well, I'm gonna do something else now. Maybe google some auditions or something.

Talk to you guys soon!

XoXo - Frieda K*

When will I find my place?

Oh, don't look so scared. It sounds worse than it is. I just have some confusion at the moment where I think I "belong" if you know what I mean. Before I went here I thought that Sweden wasn't for me, because it was so small and ppl and mostly guys in this case were stupied, boring and just not for me. I was somehow destent to to greater things and to be somewhere else. And now when I'm here I'm not so sure that what I thought before is true. Kinda reflects back to the play I wrote about in my two previous posts. That what we think we want isn't always at all what we wanted. I love this place, I do. But there is also a little "disgust" for it. It is one thing to travel and be here on vacation for like 2 - 4 weeks. You see and experience the good stuff, live in the nice areas, maybe and you have saved up enough money to last during your stay. But when you come here as a student or to work or do something that resembles what you did back home, it gets different. Even if the city is sooo exciting at first, which all new places are ofcourse. You soon, when you've settled and started a somewhat "normal" life with everyday rutines realize and see the differensies from what you're used to. To someone who moves form another state it might not be that big of a challenge and difference, but if you're from Northern Europe it can be a huge challenge. Even if the countries are kinda similar and live by the "western world" society, it is big differensis when you dig deeper under the surface. Sometimes what you find isn't always so beautiful and pleasent as it appeard to be. God that sounded poetic. But it's not. Don't get me wrong, if I found someone here, someone who I felt were honest, had true intentions and someone I could call a "true friend" and "true lover" like I can with my friends back home, I would definatley consider staying for a longer period of time. But the fact is that during the three months period that I've been here I haven't found any "true" american friends, that are origionally from this city. And it's sad, because I really wanted to. But to me ppl seem to be somewhat fake, have hidden agendas with you, and don't really care that much about true friendship as I see it. And don't even get me started with the guys. I have met a lot of guys since I came here. Talked to many of them and exchanged numbers. Set up times for dates and waited for them to respond to my text about when and where we're gonna meet. What do I get? Nothing! They don't even have the decency to call or text back to tell me they don't want to see me. Even if they were the one's approaching me and asking for MY nr, texting me about how nice it would be to meet again. Hello!? What am I missing? I know I've said that Swedish guys are stupied, but they're stupied in a different way. Atleast a lot of them have the curtesy to text or call, even if it's just to say that they don't think that we should see each other anymore. Ok, then I know. But I will not accept just being stood up! This has happend to me three times now! When is it really my turn? I so want to believe that there are nice guys out there, here or Sweden or somewhere else. But it is very hard to believe when I constantly run into idiots! And right now I'm not "looking" I am just being. But it doesn't seem to matter. They idiots flock around me anyhow. Oh well, I guess it's just to wait a little bit longer...ok now I got a little sidetracked there. I really didn't mean to throw my biterness about guys out there. I'm just really frustrated about this at the moment. If I can't get a guy that will be something consistent and permanent, atleast let me find someone to"play" with while I'm here. Someone to keep me occupied. I can' even manage that. Linnea has, and Charlie, and Sofia and more ppl. But why not me? Grrr, the madness inside me is boiling.

And the other thing that bothers me, that it is extremly hard to get acting auditions without an agent, and most agents don't want to take u in if you're not a citizen here and allowed to work legally. Which I'm not. And that sucks so hard! I haven't given up, oh no. I just have to find another strategy. If it is to stay here and fight or if it is to begin somewhere else, I don't know that yet. But I'm gonna have to figure it out soon, because time is money and it's running away...I'm not getting any younger. And if I age one year in life I age like 4 years in Hollywood land. Well well, enough with that now!

I really thought that I would be the person that would never want to go back to Sweden, I thought that I would emmediatley settle here, feel at home finally and don't look or think back. Except missing my friends, which I do, a lot! But now I'm not so sure anymore. Yes Sweden is small and ppl can be stupied, close-minded and not so "outgoing" towards strangers and newcomers. BUT, they are genuine and care about you, most of them if you become their friend. You feel safe and secure. Something that can be hard to find here. I'm certain that there are a lot of good, kind and genuine ppl here too. I just haven't run in to them, yet! A lot can happen in 7 weeks! Which is the time I have left before I go back to Svealand. I am not sure what I will do this fall, will I go back, or will I stay in Sweden? A part of me wants both, I am afraid that if I go back I will feel lonley and left out because the ppl I've gotten to know here now are not coming back. And it might be the same issues I would have to face again. If I stay in Sweden I have all my friends and I would feel safe and secure. But I know that there's a big possibility that I'll get bored when I've been back after two or three months. That always happen to me. And I don't want to feel like that either! I don't know which is worst. Gosh, this is so hard! Maybe I should stay in Sweden during the fall and go someplace else during the spring, like New Zeeland or Canada? But as Linnea said, and it's true. Sometime, someday we have to stop running and just settle somewhere with someone. And she feels like she might be ready for the "serious" life soon. I'm not sure. I'm only one year younger than her, but I still feel like I have a lot more to see and explore before I "settle" down. Oh, but she's right about the running away part. I feel partly like that's what I'm doing, but at the same time I'm not sure what I would be running away from...

Oh well, I've emptied my mind enough for one night. It felt good getting that out anyway. The reason I've started to write in English all of a sudden is because I talk and text in Swedish everyday, that I'm afraid I'll loose the writing in English. And also because some of my classmates wants to read my blog but they don't really understand if I write in Swedish. So in this way we all can understand. Both you, my swedes, me, and them, my americans.

I think I'm gonna hop in to bed soon. I have acting class tomorrow morning. And Pauls group is performing their scenes! I go on, on Thursday! Oh, darn I was suppose to tell you something about my acting class/teachers. But I leave that for the next post...

Love you all, and miss you guys in Swe a lot!

XoXo - Frieda K*

Linnea and Ryan.

We had to escape for a night,

so on Saturday we went with Ryan to Sharkeyz.

Thanks Ryan for an awesome night.

You are a friend, and you're an american.

So don't be affected by what I just wrote...

Back to Eden - an amazing show!

Yes! I'm home again, or I have been for a while after a great performance and an awesome show! It was all I ever expected and even more. It was a play that really started my mind to think about life and what it's really about. It kinda woke me up a bit on to what is really important in our lives. And how we always want more and more, and when we get there and what we want we're not satisfied with it. I could go on all night and analyze this play because it can be broken down into a million pieces, but I'm gonna leave that to my play critique and production performance.

Anyways, I enjoyed it soooo much. And some of you might now why I might have enjoyed it more than others. Or in a way that other ppl might not look at certain things...

I'm just so happy that I got to be in this class because so far it has taught me so many good things. Even if I sometimes wish it was longer and that it was more ppl in it that had acting as a passion the way I and the teachers do. But I guess that's just the way life is.

I really, really miss to act on a regularar basis right now. I miss my acting group back in Sweden, I know they're making a midsummer night's dream with a twist! And I can't wait to see it! It's just gonna feel a bit wierd not to be in it myself. But at the same time it can be fun to just watch them perform.

Ok, the other ppl in the apt is trying to sleep now and I think my keyboard clicking might disturb them a bit. So I'm gonna say goodbye and goodnight now and I'll talk to you soon again!

If u get a chance, please see or read Back to Eden... it's so awesome!

With this I leave you now... to go on and dream about a better world...

//Frieda K*

What's up?

I really didn't know what else to post as a topic for this post. Now I'm writing in english, but it's just cuz I'm in school at the moment and it feels kinda silly writing without the a a and o. Yeah you get the point.

Anyways, I'm sooo tired today. Don't know why but I guess to late evenings of watching Bones, Smallville, Gossip Girl and Melrose Place takes it toll on me. I just feel like I need to sleep for like a week to regain all the tiredness I'm feeling.

I really didn't have anything interesting to say right now. I just had some time to kill between my acting class and my theatre class. So i thought, why not update my blog!

Tonight i'm gonna watch "Back to Eden" here at school, and yeah it's that show. :)...
I have high expectations, and I bet it's gonna be good. For me it is gonna be good however the story is. You all know why! :) I'll tell u more tonight when I get home. About the whole experience...

I'm thinking a lot these days about wether or not i'm gonna go back to Cali this fall. I'ma ctually thinking about changing place. I'm thinking about either Chicago, Canada (Vancouver) or New Zeeland (Auckland or Wellington). Because I really don't like the L.A mentality and the way that a lot of ppl act and get their ways around here. I haven't decided yet. But I'm thinking about it. Maybe I'll change this fall or I stay in Sweden until Jan, and then go again. I just know that after like 2 or 3 months in Swe I'm gonna be boooored, like I always do. So I might regret not going back. Oh, it's hard and something I'm gonna have to think throught carefully before deciding.

Oh well, the clock is ticking and I'm gonna go to the cafeteria before class and by a coffe at Starbucks! I've collected all the little coins that laid around in my apt. So I have a few dollars to spend...

Well, I'll give u an update tonight about Back to Eden...



XoXo - Frieda K

Back to Eden

is a poignant and humorous reinterpretation of the story of Adam and Eve. A man and a woman find themselves in an empty space without nothing but a door and eachother. When a businessman enters and offers to build them the world, they jump at the chance, hoping it will bring them som sort of hapiness and control. But as they try to figure out what exactly they want and who they want to be, they discover that perhaps they shouldn't have asked questions at all...

Just wanted to give show you guys what the show that I'm gonna watch is about... I'd ove to perform this one sometimes in my life! Hey, Acting for dummies! We should do this one, maybe...

Bye again!

Ångest i pappersform...

Ja vad kan det vara tro?? Pengar. Vad annars kan framkalla ångest, klump i magen eller bara ren depressiv känsla. Folk tar livet av sig pga det, folk går in i väggen, själ, tar droger, gör desperata saker för att pengar finns för mkt eller för lite. Usch. Ska det behöva vara så, ja tyvärr. För att utan pengar klarar man sig inte. Och just nu ligger jag i dåligt läge då jag har mkt mindre kvar än vad jag trodde. Inte för att jag har gjort nåt extravagant, för det har jag verkligen inte. Jag har inte levt mer lyxliv än vad jag gjorde som student i Swe innan jag kom hit. Det är bara det att allt kostar här! Även om det mesta är billigare så kostar allt. Och många bäckar små blir tillslut en stor stor pöl. Jag fick mig oxå en "tillsägelse" om just detta av min käraste vän. Något som man kanske inte vill höra när man redan mår dåligt över saken, men som man kanske på nån nivå måste höra ändå. Jag har tyvärr en förmåga att sätta mig i kniviga ekonomiska sitser, men på nåt vänster så tar jag mig ur dom på ett eller annat sätt. Vilket jag hoppas även är utfallet denna gången. Jag och Linnea är i samma sits så vi ska tillsammans leta efter nåt sketet svart jobb eller tigga pengar på Venice Beach eller liknande. Nåt måste ju göras! Detta går inte.

Nej usch, det är så deprimerande att tala om pengar. Jag mår redan dåligt utav det och desto mer jag tänker på det desto sämre mår jag.

Jag kan istället berätta om mina tre nyfunna vänner som under veckorna som Julia har vart här och hälsat på vi lärt känna. Ryan, Trevor och Claire. Claire är en svensk-amerikansk tjej som Julia från början stötte på i Gbg under hösten. Hon berättade då att jag skulle flytta hit i Jan så hon gav mig hennes facebook, sen har vi snackat till och från sen i Feb typ. och nu när Julia var här så sågs vi för första gången. Hennes två kompisar, Ryan och Trevor träffade vi på under förra helgen då vi var hemma hos Ryan i San Clemente (mkt fint ställe!) och badade bubbel pool. Och shit vilket hus kille bor i! Det är hans föräldrars såklart, men ändå. Det var som taget ur en film eller serie. Perfekt kök och sjukt många rum med perfekta möbler och rent som på en klinik. Nästan lite skrämmande, med tanke på att man faktiskt oftast bara ser sånna hus på TV inte i verkligheten. Men det fick man vara med om. Vi umgicks med dom även denna helgen som var. Vi var då hemma hos Claire i L.A. I lördags var vi ute på en klubb som heter Kress. Jätte roligt ställe faktiskt i Hollywood. Så dit måste jag ta mig fler ggr. Vi fick gå in gratis då Claires rumskompis kände ägaren, sen fick vi även VIP pass till översta dansgolvet. Så det var ju perfekt! Älskar sånna kvällar! Sen så är det så roligt att vara svensk och blond här i USA. Jag trodde faktiskt inte att dom var så "på" svenskar, eller blondiner som dom faktiskt är här. Men folk tutar, och slänger ord på gatan. Och när Julia var här, shit! Folk var som galna! När vi gick i Hollywood vände folk sina huvuden som om hon faktiskt var en kändis, kommenterade på hennes skönhet och bara var allmänt antingen äckliga, roliga, eller beundrande. Ja vad man nu vill kalla det. När jag och Linnea gått på gatorna så har många ropat och tutat, men när Julia var med, shir killarna var som galna! Hon är verkligen så sjukt vacker och så trevlig, ibland önskar jag att jag såg ut som henne. Även om jag kan vara nöjd med mitt eget utseende ibland, så önskar jag dock att jag hade hennes modell ansikte, och sjukt snygga kropp! Men ja nu när det inte finns så mkt pengar, kan jag ju spendera tiden till att träna och sola. Jag kommer ju bli smal då jag inte kommer att kunna käka lika mkt som tidigare. Nej, det är väl inte så bra. Men ja ja, vad gör man.

Apropå Ryan och Trevor. När vi berätta lite för dom om hur Sverige funkar med skolor och allt annat, sen att dom oxå hade insett att Sverige ska ha snygga tjejer för vi tre kommer ju därifrån så. Ja det var väl en liten övertygande faktor. Så tro det eller ej men dom ska faktiskt åka till Sverige i sommar, kolla runt lite och sen troligtvis bosätta sig där ett år eller två och plugga på College! Jaha, här kommer man till USA så ska dom åka till Sverige. Så lustigt det kan bli! Dom har tydligen redan planerat halva grejjen! Och skaffat nåt program så dom kan lära sig svenska oxå! Det enda som saknas för killarna nu är nånstans att bo. Jag hade hyrt ut mitt place, eller låtit dom bo där om det inte var för att jag hyr den till min kusin. Men jag har lovat att jag ska försöka hjälpa dom med bostad. Så om det är nån som ska hyra ut sin två eller tre i sommar och minst ett halvår fram, säg till mig!!

På kärleksfronten har det inte hänt så mkt, förutom att jag hånglade med en kille på springbreak när vi var ute i Newport. Han heter Chris, kort för Christopher, som mitt ex. Vi ska ses, vi sa på torsdag. Men jag måste gå och se en pjäs, där mitt kärleksobjekt i form av min drama lärare ska vara med! Så det är mkt intressant! Så jag får boka om min date, kanske tills på Söndag eller nåt. Så jag kan njuta av "Bruces" pjäs. Det som är frustrerande är att jag minns inte hur Chris ser ut i ansiktet! Jag minns exakt vad han hade på sig, men inte hur hans ansikte ser ut! Så jobbigt, tänk om han är jätteful eller nåt annat? Sofia sa att hon kunde minnas att han såg bra ut. Men ja ja, det återstår att se. Han sa att ville "spoil me for a night" ingen aning vad han menar med det. Men som sagt, det lär jag väl få reda på i sinom tid.

Ja, nu är det bara 8 veckor kvar tills jag kommer till Sverige! Och åtta veckor går fortare än vad man kan tro! Det har ju gått över tre månader nu sen jag kom hit. Så om 5 veckor kommer lilla Sofie och hälsar på! Det ska bli så sjukt sköj! Sen om jag kan få Ryan och Trevor att flyga samma dag och samma plan hem till mig, så hade det vart toppen! Dom ska ju ändå till Gbg först! Vi får se.

Nej, nu ska jag ladda upp lite bilder på facebook. Åh, föresten, jag fick 150 av 150 poäng på min uppgift i min Theatre class. Sen 14 av 15 på min "Production analysis" i min Acting class! Så jag är lite nöjd med mig själv i alla fall. Det behövdes idag kan jag säga.

Tag hand om er där hemma och snart kommer värmen till er oxå! Just nu så är det lite kallare här borta, men det kanske blir bättre snart. Jag hann ju få lite färg förra veckan så skulle det dröja allt för länge så lär jag blekna tillbaka igen!

Puss och Kramiss så länge!

Frieda K*

Jag och Julia fular oss på vår favorit affär

Forever 21, i Hollywood.